The Hyperion Chronicles

2011-12-31T23:59:00.013-05:00

List of

The Hyperion Chronicles

[note - The last ~~twenty-three~~ ~~seventeen~~ ~~twelve~~ ~~ten~~ ~~eight~~ four months will be updated very soon]

641. MALAISE BLUES (3/11/11) Poem: Hyperion whines about stuff (but rhymes!)

640. IN LIKE A LION (3/1/11) The Lion poems that bookmarked last year's 31 Days of Poetry are put together for the first time, revealing surprising clues

639. BEST 2011 SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS (2/7/11) YouTube videos of my favorite commercials from Super Bowl XLV

638. SCRATCH THAT TV ITCH (2/7/11) Review of several new shows using a rhyming format

637. GROUNDHOG DAY ANAGRAMS (2/2/11) Anagrams of the phrase "Groundhog Day"

636. VIGIL (1/17/11) Poem about being shut out by someone you care about

635. WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE (1/9/11) Poem about longing to be with her again

634. WHEN I SAY YOUR NAME (12/20/10) Poem about reaching for Hope in the Darkness

633. PSALM 30:5 - A REBUTTAL (12/20/10) Poem about a gloomy morning

632. HARRY POTTER 7.0 (12/17/10) A look at all seven books in the Harry Potter series plus reviews of the 6th and 7th films

631. THE ANGUISHED POETRY OF A TEENAGE GIRL (12/16/10) Hyperion gets a bit emotional

630. SOPHIE'S CHOICE (TIMES INFINITY) (12/16/10) A truly gut-wrenching decision

629. HEISMAN HYPOCRISY (12/11/10) The Heisman controversy surrounding Cam Newton

628. HALLOWEEN MIXTAPES (10/31/10) Songs to listen to during your Halloween party

627. PEACE (10/31/10) Poem about inner-turmoil

626. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (10/28/10) Possibly the best Vampire film ever made

625. JONAH HEX (10/28/10) Movie Review

624. RAWRY FEELS LEFT OUT (10/27/10) So as not to ~~make him cry~~ antagonize the dangerous beast, the best anagrams of "Thirty-One Days of Rawry"

623. ANAGRAM WARR (10/26/10) Hilarious Anagrams for "Thirty-One Days of RAWR!"

622. RAWRY (10/14/10) The 31 Days of RAWR! (and perhaps the entire Hyperion Empire) gets a new mascot who's very ~~lovable~~ rough and tough.

621. THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF RANT (10/4/10) Hyperion is upset at the TV viewing audience and the Executives who run the Networks

620. MISNAMED (9/16/10) The most misnamed things in the Solar System

619. TERRIERS (9/15/10) Review of FX show Terriers

618. NIKITA (9/10/10) Review of CW show Nikita

617. HELLCATS (9/9/10) Review of CW show Hellcats

616. MISS UNIVERSE (8/24/10) Who SHOULD have been the Miss Universe Finalists

615. BREVE AMBESSA (8/32/10) Caps off the 31 Days of Poetry, can be considered a direct sequel to #582 (Anacuris Itare) which inspired the entire month

614. LUNA ROSA (8/31/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

613. FALLING STAR (8/30/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

612. THE BALLAD OF DUSKY ROSE (8/29/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

611. SPINNER'S TALE (8/28/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

610. TRAVEL DOWN THAT ROAD (8/27/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

609. LAMENTATION (8/26/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

608. SORROW'S EMBRACE (V.0) (8/25/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

607. AS LONG AS IT TAKES (8/24/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry (Guest)

606. FLOOR MONSTERS (8/23/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

605. THE RIDER (8/22/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

604. I DON'T MIND YOUR DARKNESS (8/21/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

603. IN THE GLOAMING (8/20/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry (Guest)

602. MISSING BEAT (8/19/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

#601 WHAT I KNOW (TBD) A look back at columns #501 - 600

#501 - 600

600. HIDDEN SCARS (8/18/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

599. SHE WAS A PRINCESS TOO (8/17/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

598. STUFFYS 4 LIFE! (8/16/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

597. UNWOVEN TAPESTRY (8/15/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

596. SWIRL (8/14/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

595. BY THE TIME I GET TO PATAGONIA (8/13/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

594. TOGETHER IN THE DARK (8/12/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

593. ROSES ARE... (8/11/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

592. FULL TIDE (8/10/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

591. AVALANCHE (8/9/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

590. BLOODSONG (8/8/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry (Guest)

589. THOUGHTS OF HER WHILE DRIFTING TO SLEEP (8/7/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

588. A SHADOW FALLS (8/6/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

587. FALLING INTO DARKNESS (8/5/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry (Guest)

586. TAKE ME AWAY FROM EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT YOU (8/4/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

585. INVOCATION (8/3/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

584. FORBIDDEN COLORS (8/2/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

583. A WOMAN OF LONG AGO ME (8/1/10) Part of the 31 Days of Poetry

582. ANACRUSIS ITARE (7/30/10) Surrealist fever-dream poem of mysterious origin

581. BARGAIN MATINÉE (7/30/10) Some ideas for a schlocky movie party

580. SHOWER (7/27/10) Hyperion After Dark story about walk-in shower

579. THE AFFAIR OF THE PUDDING AND THE SHIRT (7/26/10) Just like it sounds

578. DREAMSONG (7/22/10) Ranking of the Best Songs with the word "Dream" in the title

577. AFTER (7/8/10) Hyperion After Dark Story about cuddling up with a loved one

576. HOW WOMEN ARE LIKE PIZZA (7/2/10) - Comparing the best food to the best....

575. COLORS OF WAR (6/30/10) Short story about a woman waiting for her husband to come home from war

574. ECLIPSING THE NEW MOON AT TWILIGHT (6/30/10) Review of all three Twilight movies

573. KNIGHT AND DAY (6/29/10) Review of Tom Cruise Cameron Diaz Spy movie

572. WAVES (6/26/10) Poem about patience

571. DAYNIGHTFLIGHT (6/24/10) a poem to restore honor written in Iambic Hexedecameter

570. BY THE GATE (6/17/10) Short poem about waiting for Love

569. WORLD CUP FEVER (6/11/10) Hyperion explains Soccer to Americans

568, IN THE STILLNESS (6/9/10) Thoughts that weigh on the mind in the stillness of the night

567. BORN IN A GARDEN (6/8/10) Short poem about magic

566. TELL ME WHY (6/7/10) Short Poem about heartbreak

565. BACANIMALS (6/1/10) The best animal names to combine with bacon

564. PREAKNESS NAMES (5/17/10) Best names of Preakness-winning Horses

563. THE DRAGONSTONE (5/16/10) Ancient story about the Fire in the center of the World

562. REDRESS (5/10/10) a super-cool spy story from Hyperion After Dark

561. IRON MAN 2 (5/7/10) Review of Iron Man 2

560. IRON MAN ANAGRAMS (5/6/10) Anagrams associated with Iron Man and various characters in the movie

559. PICK A WINNER (5/2/10) Best names of Horses that won the Kentucky Derby

558. NO TASTE FOR MY REIGN (4/26/10) Poem about the despair of trying and failing to rule

557. SEEKING GRACE (4/11/10) Poem about Redemption written while watching Tiger Woods return to Golf at the Masters

556. HALF-REMEMBERED DREAM (3/28/10) Short story on Hyperion After Dark

555. GOLGOTHA (04/10/09) First-person account from Palm Sunday through Crucifixion

554. SHADOW-LACED (04/07/10) 100-word story based on picture

553. HER ELEGANCE IS BACK (02/14/10) Poem about the power and beauty of a woman's back

552. HOLIDAY SURREALISM (1/30/10) Something I literally wrote in my sleep

551. ANGEL'S REFLECTION (1/17/10) Poem about an Angel

550. STRAIN OF PASSION (1/26/10) Hyperion After Dark story about the bedroom as battlefield

549. A SHADOW FALLS (1/9/10) Short Poem about the Darkness within

548. GYPSY LIT (10/30/10) Short story about those crazy Gypsies

547. AR'KHARANI (10/20/09) Poem about Lady Warrior

546. THE SEASON OF MY MADNESS (11/02/09) Poem on Hyperion After Dark

545. SILKEN TENDRILS OF SMOKE (10/24/09) Poem on Hyperion After Dark

544. BROKEN-DOWN BENCH IN A CONCRETE GAZEBO (10/16/09) - Hyperion's adventure with a Gazebo

543. FALLEN INTO SHADOW (10/7/09) - Poem about grasping

542. IN SORROW'S EMBRACE (10/3/09) - Hyperion tries to write a song

541. DRAGONBER (9/1/09) - Hyperion cancels September 2009

540. SHIMMERING SADNESS (9/22/08) - Poem about Sadness; link goes directly to Literary Hype

539. MIRRORED DESIRE (7/29/09) - Poem about Desire; link goes directly to Literary Hype

538. PUNISHMENT/SALVATION (7/21/09) - Poem about Guilt; link goes directly to Literary Hype

537. MJ AND ME (7/8/09) - Thoughts on the Life (and passing) of Michael Jackson

536. BECAUSE LOATHING SHOULD RHYME (7/7/09) - Delirious Hyperion attempts poetry

535. CASHAROLE (5/25/09) - The Horrors of making Mac and Cheese

534. THE MOUNT RUSHMORE OF LAW and ORDER CHARACTERS (5/14/09) - If we were carving a Mt. Rushmore of characters from Law & Order, what four would we pick?

533. HAPPY 9AVERSARY (3/28/09) - Some thoughts on the Hyperion Institute's 9th Anniversary

532. MARCH WITH MADNESS IN YOUR HEART (3/15/09) - All about the NCAA Tournament (Originally for International_____Day)

531. MARCHING ORDERS (3/13/09) - Hyperion refuses to start the year until March!

530. FOR THE LOVE OF LENTILS (2/25/09) - What Hyperion Gave up for Lentils in 2009

529. LIVE OSCAR DIARY (2/22/09) - Hyperion's disastrous attempt to write a Live Oscar Diary

528. PIZZA PIZZA (2/9/09) - Review of new products from Pizza Hut and Domino's

527. NFL COGNOMEN (1/30/09) - Ranking the NFL Team Names (with help from Sparky Duck)

526. NIGHT VISIT (1/26/09) - Poem about Nocturnal Visitors

525. 25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME YOU MAY NOT KNOW (1/26/09) - Just like it sounds

524. JUST ADD A SENTENCE (1/23/09) - Crazy story told a sentence at a time w/ Facebook Friends

523. THE CONTENT OF HIS CHARACTER (1/16/09) - My favorite MLK Quotes

522. SKINS (1/13/09) - Review of Skins, Season 1

521. UNITED STATES OF TARA (1/16/09) - Review of new show

520. BARK OBAMA (1/12/09) - What kind of dog the new first family should pick and what it says about the President

519. TALK TO ME; THE NUTS and BOLTS (1/15/10) - Outlining my plans to actually keep some of my goals.

518. KILL THE BCS! (1/8/09) Hyperion Absolutely HATES the way major college football determines a national champion

517. WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS? (1/7/09) Hyperion's Goals for the 34th Year of his Life

516. PARTY TIME (12/31/08) Guide to Celebrating Hyperion's Birth

515. REMEMBRANCE (11/11/08) Short Photo-Essay on Veteran's Day

514. PRETEND (11/08/08) Examination of Shelby Lynne's song "Pretend" [Link opens in Literary Hype]

513. OUR MAN RED (7/07/06) Story commissioned by a Reader [link goes to Literary Hype]

512. JOHN KEATS WAS A SICK TWISTED PERVERT (10/8/08) Analysis of a Keats Poem

511. THE VP DEBATE DRINKING GAME (10/2/08) Surviving the Vice-Presidential Debate

510. JULISTMAS WISH LIST (7/25/08) Things Hyperion wants for Christmas in July

509. POTPOURRI, VOLUME XXXIII (9/15/08) More Potpourri

508. SO IT COMES TO THIS....AGAIN (9/8/08) Column #8 with 2008 Comments added

507. RACE TO JUDGMENT (8/25/08) Analysis of Racism claims in the 2008 presidential election

506. EXECUTION ELOCUTION (7/23/08) Some people should die

505. MOVIE MATTERS IV (7/7/08) More Questions about Movies

504. MOVIE MATTERS III (9/13/07) More Questions about Movies

503. MOVIE MATTERS II (4/26/07) More Questions about Movies

502. MOVIE MATTERS (4/19/07) Questions about Movies

501. BEYOND BELIEF: THE INEXORABLE CREED OF HYPERION (9/19/08) A look back at #401-500

More Columns:

#401 - 500

#301-400

#101-300

#1-100

#652 Hyperion-X 999

2011-03-30T05:25:00.000-04:00

[Hyperion-X was an offshoot of The Hyperion Chronicles, a way for me to write about mature non-fiction subject matter with a "no holds barred' sensibility. I have decided to integrate them into the Chronicles. This was the first X-column, written May 18, 2003]

Hyperion X (#999)

Some things never change, and some things do

The inaugural episode of what is sure to soon be so popular that I expect this on E-Bay within days

This is the 999^th issue of Hyperion X. You should only be getting this if you specifically wrote and asked my staff or me for it. This is your last chance, to turn back.

Actually, this one issue might not have too much to blush about. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to do this. One thing I did think to do is put movie reviews here, which the general reading public might not find too interesting. The other dilemma is that people I never expected to subscribe have signed up. You know: people who don't know me very well and I need to make a good impression on. Just the other day the mother of the girl I hope to marry wrote and asked to be a part of Hyperion X. Mind you; the girl herself hasn't said anything yet. It's a pickle. But, I figure I warned everybody, so if I feel like being inappropriate, I'll damn well do so. (And to her: anything I write that offends you is because I haven't been near enough your daughter lately. Please work on that)

X2: X-MEN UNITED

If you saw the first movie and liked it, you’re going to see this (or already have) no matter what I say. That’s the thing about franchise movies: they have a built-in audience. If you didn’t like the first movie, or even if you didn’t see it, you will still probably like part 2.

That isn’t to say there aren’t problems. There are, and one of them is the script. My friend Ajax was mad that so much of the comic book story-arc was jettisoned, fast-forwarding the rich history of the X-Men (over 40 years old now) up to the late ‘70s. I don’t really have a problem with that. There is no way, in my mind, to be faithful to over 400 comic book stories, that happened over time to characters that never really age. All you can ask is that they get the characters right, which they do, but more on that later.

That being said, you need to have some idea for a story, whether you cull from the comic book archives or make something up. And that’s my real gripe with X2, pretty much the same with X1. Not a helluva lot seems to happen. Several times it seems like the plot is there to set up the special effects or the action sequences, or to introduce future characters and sequel threads. I understand that X-Men is a hugely complicated world, and it’s tough to naturally introduce everyone in a manner that isn’t contrived, but still; even for comic book movies, the plot feels very slaphazardly thrown together.

Luckily, the characters redeem that shortcoming. I’ve read hundreds of X-Men comics, and I think they get the spirit of the characters pretty damn well. Yes, there are some changes, but overall they nailed it, especially Wolverine. I’ve heard complaint that he’s the main focus, but to me this is smart. Wolverine was always the most popular and charismatic of the X-Men, and his suspicions and anti-hero bent make him a brooding star. Wolverine carries the show even more in this one than the first, and that’s fine with me. The other characters aren’t ignored, except Cyclops, but no one is really all that interested in him anyway, so who cares?

Another thing the movie gets very right is the tone of alienation, carried over from the first movie. The mutants in the X-Men universe were always a symbol of those who felt ostracized in society, whether by race, religion, or just moody teenagers. There is a real sense of that here, and a delicious irony in the fact that so many humans fear and would imprison or destroy the mutants who are trying to help them.

At least, some of them are. Several of the bad mutants from the first film are missing here, but that just means we get more time with the compelling Magneto and the bodacious Mystique, and their burgeoning love story, which is almost sweet. These two for a time even become good guys. True, they are good guys who might try to kill every man, woman, and child at a moment’s notice, but that doesn’t make them any less fun.

One other note: unusual for sequels, this movie is not dependent on the first film, so if you haven’t seen it, don’t let that stop you from jumping in now.

All in all, I was whelmed by this movie. I wasn’t disappointed and I’m not trashing it, but I wasn’t blown away like I was hoping.

The Skepticism Scale would rate a 7 here. Yoko Ono excluded, mutants don’t exist, and no matter how much rationalization or symbolic metaphor you use, what they are showing is make-believe. In other words, enjoy it and try not to take it too seriously when Moses shows up (you’ll see what I mean).

I’m putting X2 in the Super-Powers Action genre, along with the Batmen, Supermen, and Spider-Men of the world. My Genre Grade for X2 is a B.

Giving this movie a Pantheon Percentile is harder, because you’re trying to judge how this movie will stack up in history. Special Effects obviously don’t count; since like your home computer they’ll be obsolete by the time you read this. I thought the plot was a bit thin, but the characterization was quite good, and years from now I think I might enjoy watching a half hour of this on TBS on a Saturday afternoon. (You KNOW what I’m talking about, you people who’ve seen parts of Back to the Future and Shawshank Redemption 7000 times) I’d give X2: X-Men United a rating of 68, which means it’s better than 68% of the movies ever made.

THE MATRIX RELOADED

I will not give away the movie for those who haven’t seen it yet, but you do NEED TO HAVE SEEN THE MATRIX to read this. If you haven’t, go out and rent it RIGHT NOW, watch it, and then you can come back and read.

I’ve written this review thrice already and torn it up (metaphorically) each time. I’m not sure what I want to say. Actually, I am sure what I want to say, but it would be deep analysis of the film rather than a review for many people who haven’t seen it yet. So, maybe in a few weeks, after all the Hyperion X readers have seen both Matrices, we can do that. For now I want to focus on two main ideas: Pop-Psychology and Strunk and White.

First, let's dispense with the formalities. For those of you in the MTV generation, this sequel has been a long time coming. And, if will be a little longer, as the opening 45 minutes or so can drag a bit. I have a feeling most of that will be necessary, though, in the third installment, due in November. That's one of the problems of sequels, especially when there's a third film to come. They are dependent on the first, and open-ended to set up the third. For the Matrix, it might help to look at the 2nd and 3rd films as one big movie cut in half, which they actually are.

So, I can live with having plot threads not tied up or incongruous, assuming that 93% of the questions will be answered by the finish. (Hyperion’s Theory #27: all great stories leave 7% of the ideas unexplained and up to the reader, or in this case, the watcher)

The actual plot isn’t all that important, or to put it another way, you already know it: Computers have enslaved humans in the Matrix, a few of them are free, and Neo—the One—has to save everybody. And just like the first film, you don’t know what you think you know, and you probably don’t even know what you don’t think you know. And if you don’t know what that sentence just meant—or don’t think you don’t know—then you’re ready for The Matrix Reloaded.

“The Essence of Cool”

For those of you who’ve never written a term paper, Strunk and White are the authors of an English grammar book called The Element of Style. That’s part of what The Matrix is all about. My friend Ajax and I were discussing The Matrix the other day, and how, like Star Wars back in ’77, The Matrix was now the benchmark for Sci-Fi Fantasy films. I agree, but I also think it’s the new benchmark of cool. Along with the archetypes of good and evil, the rush of action, the mystical philosophy, and the at-the-time revolutionary special effects, what made Star Wars stand out what just how fucking cool it was. Han Solo was everyone’s hero, Darth Vader was the Big Bad, and Yoda was…what can you say about one of the three greatest characters in movie history? And the concept of Jedi Warriors? Fuggedaboutit. Too cool for words, but try this: in Britain, Australia, and Canada, there was a huge push to get Jedi listed as an official religion on census forms.

The Matrix has that cachet of cool. They want to be the benchmark for a lot of things. For example, the video game was released the same day the movie came out, with over an hour of movie footage shot just for the game, and reportedly thousands of moves available. The Wachowski brothers, creators of The Matrix, also asked several Japanese anime artists to make 9 short films explaining and filling in some of the back and side stories to the Matrix.

Most of the time you’ll hear a criticism of something flashy lamenting the “style over substance.” But in The Matrix, often the style is the substance.That’s why you have main characters wearing flowing black Prada outfits with snap-on shades, and fighting with sleek guns and kung fu. In Reloaded, they’ve added swords (both katana and wushu forks), maces, nun chucks, and what I’m guessing is a tetherball post.

There is also a 14 minute chase scene—of questionable plot necessity—that features, among other things: “impossible” camera angles, hellacious explosions, Evel Knievel-like motorcycle jumps, and the most vehicular destruction you can find this side of a monster truck rally. I sat in the theatre watching this spectacle, and a small part of me wondered what this had to do with the story. The other 98% of me, though, just sat there thinking, “This is so fucking cool!”

Part of the essence of The Matrix, the raison d’etre, if you will, is to put stuff like that in there. That’s why they went to the trouble to invent technology for these movies; the reason Edmund Hillary gave for climbing Everest and the reason Bill Clinton has for screwing every big-haired girl in a skirt: because it’s there and because they can.

“No one can tell you what the Matrix is”

Fans of the first film will note how many different stories and philosophies are represented in The Matrix: everything from Alice in Wonderland to the Bible, all teeming with echoes of Japanese anime, the genre the Wachowski brothers are most influenced by. The Matrix Reloaded, if anything, is even more of a grab bag. Students of philosophy will perhaps recognize the great cave of Zion and connect it with Plato’s allegory on the subject. (For more on that, check out: http://www.age-of-the-sage.org/myth_allegory_cave_plato.html)

There is also some Bram Stoker-inspired monster mythology, a homage to a famous Star Trek episode, some post-apocalyptic book of Daniel references, and more psychology than you can shake a phallic stick at (with everything from Skinner to Adler to Jung, and if my friend Zachary is right, a character who’s supposed to be Freud); not to mention the fact that every time Morpheus opens his mouth he sounds like Socrates, Jesus, Hamlet, Abraham Lincoln, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Spock all rolled into one.

The figure I think of most, though, is T.S. Eliot, the late great poet of such masterpieces as The Wasteland, The Love Song of J. Alfred Pufrock, and Hyperion’s personal favorite poem, The Hollow Men. Not so much that Eliot’s poetry is in the film (though you could make that case), but for Eliot’s philosophy on art. He once said “Great art can communicate before it is understood.” Eliot also declared, in his essay The Music of Poetry, that we needn’t know precisely what art means in order to perfectly understand it, which some will recognize as a Stevensian condition that put another way, might read, “great art must resist the intelligence, almost successfully.”

Eliot is famous for saying, when asked what the hell he was talking about in his own cryptic poetry: “I meant what I said. If I’d meant something different I would have said it differently.” All of this is a fancy way of saying that one of the smartest things the Wachowski brothers have done is not to discuss The Matrix, or the philosophy behind it. We live in an age where we look for the meaning in everything, whether or not it exists. We pour over song lyrics, cartoons, and even the pictures on our dollar bills, all hoping to find some deeper conspiracy to explain the world.

The Matrix is all of this and more. The movie offers an explanation—or seems to, anyway—that explains how the people and the world around you—and more importantly, your own dreary existence—could have come to the point it’s at now. Characters in the Matrix movies seem to talk in esoteric riddles that offer a glimmer of the truth. Is it really that deep? Who knows? The point is; it sounds deep, and in our post-modern, jaded, cynical analyze-everything-to-death culture what you don’t see is what you might get, but even then you might not know it.

How fitting then that the Wachowski brothers have given us a vision of the world where nothing we know is real. In The Matrix Reloaded, they up the ante considerably. Not only is nothing in the world real, but also nothing in the first movie is real. Or maybe it is. That’s the whole fun.

I can’t promise you that you’ll love The Matrix Reloaded as much as you did the first film. I can promise you won’t be bored, and you won’t think the creators are out of ideas. You may not like the ideas, or even know what they are, but you won’t think this is a pure surface movie. I know it will take at least another viewing for me to soak it in, and I can’t wait to see it again.

That’s got to be one of the signs of a great movie. (And also perhaps a brilliant marketing scheme: make a movie so confusing that people need to see it repeatedly to get a grasp on it). I know I won’t get tired of the action any time soon, and I love trying to figure out exactly what is going on. Sequels are hard-pressed to live up to the original, especially when they’re so ground-breaking, like the first Matrix, which will, after all, always be the first time many of us saw some of these ideas mixed with this array of effects and psyche. But after seeing them thousands of times, many people think The Empire Strikes Back might be better, or at least deeper and richer, than Star Wars. I’m not saying The Matrix Reloaded will rise to that plateau, but I’m not saying it won’t.

Skepticism Scale: The world itself is, of course (as far as we know), utterly ridiculous, and so in that vein it would get a 9. However, within the confines of the world they’ve set up, they do strive for some harmonic consistency. Not as good a job here as the first, but that’s pending the final chapter, which may explain things more fully. Within the Matrix world, I’d say a 4.

Genre Grade: in the realm of Sci-Fi fantasy movies, I’d easily give it an A.

Pantheon Percentile: Reserving the right to move it up or down a little after seeing it again, I’d give Reloaded a 90. Even for its faults, this movie is saying something on a grand scale (or at least, I think it is), and that’s worth a lot.Plus, it’s so fucking cool.

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#651 Body of Proof and Mr. Sunshine

2011-03-30T02:54:00.013-04:00

I generally like serialized Dramas (the story builds from week-to-week) over Procedurals (where the story generally resets each week), but one big exception for me is House M.D., maybe my favorite show on TV right now. The stories are interesting and there is more character development than normal Procedurals. Also I over-identify with House - a frustrated genius who’s incredibly lonely, in constant pain, can’t relate to anyone or maintain a relationship. (He even uses a cane just like me! True, House is probably more handsome, but I can sing the 50 states in alphabetical order in under ten seconds. Beat that!)

In the end, though, my love of House the show comes down to my love of House the character. I’m riveted by Hugh Laurie’s depiction, and I am constantly trying to figure out what House is thinking, what’s he’s feeling, and what he will do next.

This brings us to Body of Proof, which you could sort of describe as House with boobs. And really great legs.

Don’t call me sexist - I’m just describing Dr. Megan Hunt, who never met a super-tight skirt and a pair of scalpel-me heels she didn’t love. I’m NOT hating, not as a man or even as a concept. I love me some Dana Delany, and have since way back to TOMBSTONE. It’s always been about her sparky eyes, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed unless she liked the floor (if you follow me), and anyone who looks that good at 55 years old has every right to Brockovich it up.

Besides being delectable (I’m really not making too much about this: if she looked this good at 25 you’d drool. At 55 it’s practically a Congressional investigation), Megan Hunt is an interesting character study. I mentioned her House-like qualities of figuring stuff out, but this extends far beyond the hospital. Megan tags along with the cops much like Nathan Fillion’s Castle and finds all manner of hidden clues.

(The more I think about it, Megan really is a hybrid of House and Castle. They should have made her last name Manor and named the show “Megan’s Manor.” Well, maybe that’s dumb. Let’s move on.)

The deal with Megan is that was was once a renowned neurosurgeon, so driven that it cost her a husband and daughter. Then came a car accident, leaving nerve damage in her hand, and, well, now she’s a snarky know-it-all medical examiner dressed for a cameo in SATC 3. Were that we all could be so lucky.

Dana Delany IS the show, and she’s plenty interesting, but the rest of the cast is solid and gives me hope for future episodes. Nicholas Bishop plays her partner Peter Dunlap (former Police Officer now Medical Investigator), and in the pilot he did his best “Wilson” impression while also looking a heckuva lot like the Mentalist guy. John Carrol Lynch and Sonja Sohn are the actual cops who will inevitably be assigned to all her autopsies and be outshone by her brilliance. Both are fantastic actors from HBO (he was awesome in Carnivale and she was Kima in The Wire), so I have hopes they will get the chance to flesh out the characters beyond type. Jeri Ryan had the “Cuddy” role of Chief Medical Examiner. I never have thought much of her but at least she’s a hot blonde, and we can always more of them on screen. I didn’t recognize the dad or the daughter, but you can bloody-well look up something for yourself!

Body of Proof is set in Philadelphia, which means lots of Philadelphia scenery shots to “prove” where they are (think how CSI does it). That’s fine with me; I get a bit tired of New York and LA, so it’s always nice to see the skyline of a different place.

It’s not exactly fair to judge a new show by one episode, but I will say that way way way too much was explained in the first episode. Maybe I notice it more because I’m trying to write screenplays, but I felt like there were a list of questions about Megan Hunt and one by one the answers were checked off. I could do with a lot more messiness, and I’m more than willing to not understand the “why” or even the “what” of something I’m watching as long as I’m engaged and interested.

For that matter, we got a couple of preachy monologues about speaking for the victims, and that was a couple too many. Murder victims are important, we get it, but at the same time, the show exploits lurid crimes for story-lines, and we lap it up to watch, so enough with the high-handed speeches, eh? (At least there wasn’t a voice-over paired with a tie-it-together song a la Grey’s Anatomy. No amount of great legs and tight skirts are worth that torture.)

It will take about five episodes before we know if the show can find the right blend of the talented supporting cast and Delany’s star power, and show us something interesting and new. After all, we’ve all seen the police solve murders, and we’ve all seen medicine and surgery and diagnosing. Just because we have seen it all before doesn’t mean Body of Proof can’t be entertaining, but to be “fresh” they will have to step up. Otherwise it will just be the Dana Delany Hour, and she’d need to be much more naked to make that work. (Seriously: why not try that? It’s ABC, for Light’s sake. They gave us Dennis Franz’s bare ass! Can’t we get a little reciprocation here? I’m just sayin....)

I don’t know if I will hang around to see if Body of Proof gets it right, but I wasn’t bored, so that’s something. I knew from word Go that House was spectacular, and I didn’t have that feeling here. But I do love Dana Delany’s sparkly eyes, and I do love the rest of her, and that might carry me for awhile.

(There’s a new episode Sunday at 10 and then Tuesdays at 10 will be the regular time, on ABC)

BONUS REVIEW!!!

Mr. Sunshine (Wednesdays at 9:30 on ABC)

I have gotten into Modern Family (which is on Wednesdays at 9), and I like Matthew Perry a lot, as well as Allison Janney, so I had some hope that Mr. Sunshine would be good, or at a least decent diversion while I waited for FX’s totally awesome Justified at 10.

How do I put this? Mr. Sunshine, in a word: Sucks Giant Donkey Balls, and everyone who made it should have their urethrae scraped with a rusty carrot peeler as punishment.

I watched three episodes: I feel like I did my time and now I’m out of prison and I ain’t going back. You’re on your own, and God help you.

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#650 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#9) "Middle East"

2011-03-14T00:29:00.001-04:00

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#649 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#8) - "Primaries"

2011-03-14T00:08:00.001-04:00

[Originally published February 6, 2008]

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#648 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#7) - "Harry"

2011-03-14T00:07:00.001-04:00

[Originally published July 20, 2007]

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#647 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#6) - "Kirk"

2011-03-14T00:06:00.002-04:00

[Originally published June 29, 2007]

COMMENTARY:

You know those people who get on email for the first time in months and send you all those forwards, as if you haven't seen them ten times? Even worse: they send you the same forward they sent you a few months ago! I think Hamlet would be that kind of person.

This comic was written in honor of Lady Jane Scarlett's International Pirates For Picard Day. (By the way, Pickles doesn't claim to speak for all pirates, but he is definitely a Captain Janeway kind of guy.)

It's probably just my imagination, but I swear Pickles's expression changes in the last panel.

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#646 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#5) - "Girlfriend"

2011-03-14T00:05:00.004-04:00

[Originally Published June 26, 2007]

COMMENTARY:

I spent almost an hour trying to get the panels to line up straight. I hate being web-incompetent. I suppose it's kind of cool in a staggered look, but trust me: this will drive me crazy for days until I figure out how to do it right. I won't change it, though. Let it stand as a testament to my idiocy. (Update: right now it looks fine in Explorer and fragged in Firefox. I give up)

As for content, this is a pretty cheap mother joke, but one I'm confident Pickles would make. The real question will be when/if Hamlet's mother actually shows up. Drama!

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#645 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#4) - "Glamourization"

2011-03-14T00:04:00.001-04:00

[Originally published May 25, 2007]

COMMENTARY:

My first six panel, in honor of the PIRATES movie, which as of this writing (6/7), I have still yet to see. I totally agree with Pickles about PRETTY WOMAN, although one wonders if the danger is quite so high when it comes to pirating.

I read this to my sister and she fell out laughing at "agenda-driven glamourization." I guess that is a pretty funny line.

Why the bay, the spelling of "glamourization" is not my choice, but because both Pickles and Hamlet are British. I would never spell a word that stupidly. (Canada: I'm looking in your direction...)

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#644 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#3) - "Names"

2011-03-14T00:03:00.002-04:00

[Originally published May 24, 2007]

COMMENTARY:

Here we find out our pirate's name for the first time, which I actually knew the moment I saw him. There's just something about "Pickles the Pirate" that cracks me up. Looking back on this several days later I wish I could have had more of an "oomph" with the reveal in the end, but since I'm still learning I guess I'm reasonably happy.

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#643 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#2) - "Salvation"

2011-03-14T00:02:00.002-04:00

[Originally published May 17, 2007]

COMMENTARY:

I was a little worried about the whole virgin joke, but both my mom and kaida thought it was funny, so if you didn't, blame them.

This is the first time we see an aspect to the pirate's personality, that being intellectual curiosity. I like the juxtaposition of a philosophical pirate. Argh!

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#642 Pirates Doing Shakespeare (#1) - "Communication"

2011-03-14T00:01:00.004-04:00

[Originally Published May 12, 2007]

COMMENTARY:

I can't believe I finally got this up. I've been thinking about the idea for almost two years, but could never find an artist to get what I wanted. My plan was to have six panels showing pirates dressed up in Shakespeare garb in Iconic Shakespeare scenes (like the Romeo and Juliet Balcony Scene). Each day the dialogue would change but the pictures would stay the same. (This is not a new model, as I was inspired by Dinosaur Comics and others, but I do think the Pirates doing Shakespeare was new.

Anyway, Kaida finally convinced me to quit waiting for an artist and go ahead and get SOMETHING up and worry about finding an artist later. So, I did!

Note: the final line comes from how when you read Shakespeare they put the stage directions (like deaths) in the liner notes. Obviously when you watch it they are more dramatic, but most kids grow up READING Shakespeare instead of WATCHING it as intended, so they grew up seeing it in brackets. ALWAYS cracks me up.

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#641 Malaise Blues

2011-03-11T15:02:00.001-05:00

My lassitude kicks my assitude.

My malaise infects my days.

My akathisia sets my path, you see-uh;

fomenting my haze, craze and blaze.

See more poems at Literary Hype

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#640 In Like a Lion

2011-03-01T03:33:00.007-05:00

Anacrusis Itare

the Fate of the Families' Honor

now Rests in his hands

as He journeys to far-distant shores

for Atonement and pardon

and Grace of the gods

to Repay their Blood-Debt

to The First Covenant

Rage of angels,

the tear-flecked sand,

Far-away

star-away

flight.

A lone bitter cry escapes from the dark-

an echo

of echo

of light.

III

gathering storm clouds grey the skies

gathering heartbeats graze the lies

gathering mourners' grave goodbyes

ashes ashes we all fall down

Floating in the foamy sea of consciousness...

the emerald lion broken in three pieces,

lying at the cliff’s edge next to the fire that never sleeps.

The blood fire, they call it.

Infused magic coursing through its veins,

its smoke twin tendrils of rage and desire.

High overhead, dark wings, almost invisible,

yet shrouding cliff and chasm in shadow.

Lion, lion - why ya cryin'?

Dry those tears, get on with dyin'.

This is the way the world ends, not with a shout, but a whisper.

The mourners come marching one by one, Hoorah, hoorah.

The mourners come marching one by one,

The lion’s pride is dead and gone; and we’ll all go marching-

When the moonlight hits rose

Breve Ambessa

The Lion preys in stalks of maize that hide his mane and eyes and scent. He lies in wait for further fate to fall his way and start the play that never seeks to ask the sleek cat how he feels about his meals; as if that's real: not him but pain upon your brain for thinking sane when it's a game --Is it a game? Yes, it's a game; a game of names, but nothing's changed. It stays the same. That's why the blame goes with the fame and how the prey did get away, and that is all I have to say; goodbye forever and a day.

I see you.

I see through you.

I see through you, not in that way,

But in that I see through you to the

Light shining behind you, and the Darkness fades.

Drifting....

Eyes close of their own accord.

Blinding white light, like someone shining highbeams.

Unknown origin.

Eye crack open, fearful and afraid.

Darkness.

Where did the Light come from, when eyes were closed?

Why does it hurt so?

VII

(Entr'acte)

"So we waltzed for one moment,

But too soon, we had a spat,

In that one awful moment,

Something happened to my hat.

So I'll keep changing partners

'till I find my hat again,

And believe me I will never

Take my hat off again."

VIII

The Bloodfire trembles quietly.

Tiny bubbles of escaped fury rise to the surface and

Snap in the air with defiant crackle.

Pieces of the world, too unsubstantial to escape the

Chance breeze, are rendered silken ash if they

Float over the miasmatic mixture.

The Emerald Lion lies nearby,

Undisturbed by the Bloodfire's taunts.

Unmoving.

A stone.

Maybe he doesn't notice.

Maybe he can't see.

Maybe it's too late.

A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh

Dark eyes,

Dark wings,

Dark thoughts

Alight high on the wind.

Soon, their bones tell them.

Soon.

A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh

Lion.

Liii-on.

Oh, Liiiiiiiiiiiiii-on.

Wake up, kitty.

They're coming.

A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh

Blood is Life

Blood is Magic

Blood is Death

Blood is Tragic

"A game of names,

but nothing's changed.

It stays the same.

That's why the blame

goes with the fame

and how the prey

did get away...."

A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh

A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh.

In the desert, the lonely desert, the Lion sleeps tonight.

In the desert, the dying desert, the Lion weeps tonight.

To be Continued?

"Anacrusis Itare" and "Breve Ambessa" were the bookend poems for my 31 Days of poetry last August. You can find more poetry on Literary Hype

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#639 Best 2011 Super Bowl Commercials

2011-02-07T14:48:00.003-05:00

I watched the Super Bowl in a Hotel Breakfast Nook, the only good TV in the joint, along with a few other weary travelers, a couple of maids and local police who kept popping in. (Tax dollars at work.)

Anyway, the general consensus is that this year’s ads weren’t as great as other years, but there were a few good ones. The ones I liked the best this year leaned more towards whimsical than hilarious or touching. Not sure if that says more about me or the general vibe.

The big winners for me were Bridgestone, Chevy and Eminem, each getting two entries in my list.

MY TEN FAVORITE COMMERCIALS FROM THE SUPER BOWL

#10 Bridgestone “Reply All” - Simple, well-executed, absurd and yet completely relatable.

#09 Eminem Lipton Brisk Ice Tea - Cute and didn’t seem too forced.

#08 Chevy Camaro - 2 guys design a commercial that changes as their idea does. The ending is what makes it.

#07 Kia Optima “Epic Ride” - I like when a car company will put on a big show to entertain me. This was entertaining, a mini-movie. Loved it. Explains the Aztecs completely.

#06 Chrysler 200 “Detroit” - Another good fit for Eminem, who blends in well with this classy “Detroit is back!” Ad. Love the tag line: “Chrysler 200: Imported from Detroit”

#05 HomeAway “Test Baby” - Okay, this wasn’t the greatest commercial, but it gets a high spot on my list for having my single favorite moment of the Super Bowl. More than the Beaver, the Bieber, the Force or Christina Aguillera forgetting the words to the National Anthem, I loved me some Test Baby!

#04 Bridgestone “Carma” - a fist-bump to the heart from a beaver; it’s as if God became a poet.

#03 Coca-Cola “War” - Anytime there’s a Dragon you have my attention. I would rather watch this movie than “Rio” or “Rango” or most of the coming animated films. Not 100% executed, but I love how Coca-Cola dreams big, and is confident enough to give us wordless wonder. A beautiful thing.

#02 Chevy Silverado “Lassie” - The best all-around commercial, and only trumped by #1’s off-the-charts Awwwwww Factor. A simple concept (the truck as "Lassie"), builds hilariously; anytime you can get a giant whale and a volcano in the same commercial you’re a winner. The dad’s mutterings are priceless.

and the number one Commercial of the 2011 Super Bowl is......

#01 Volkswagen Passat “The Force” - You could mark it down for not “branding” enough (It took me two times through to remember it was Volkswagen and another couple to see Passat) - but who cares. The kid is simply too cute for words. We’ve all been there, feeling the pain of not being able to unlock the magic within, and the kid’s reaction at the end is divine. A wonderful commercial, Hall of Fame forever.

Wanna see if you agree with my List? Check out all 63 Super Bowl ads here.

Note: the picture up top is from the best commercial in last year’s Super Bowl. I wanted to honor it since I never did a list.

See more Top Ten Lists at RANK EVERYTHING

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#638 Scratch that TV Itch

2011-02-07T14:43:00.012-05:00

I have managed to catch a bunch of new shows, and I wanted to review them for you. To make it easier, I broke down the categories to “things that rhyme with itch.” (I’m nothing if not helpful.)

Here’s the list:

the Pitch - (the Concept)

the Which - (the Actors involved, and if relevant, the writers and Creators)

the Sitch - (the Situation; what’s going on)

the Hitch - (how they “hook” you in, hitching you to their wagon (don’t hate on my forced rhyme))

the Glitch - (the potential problem)

the Niche - (who it might appeal to)

the Kitsch - (goofy offbeat story-lines or characters)

the Rich - (what they do best)

the Bitch - (my major complaint)

the Ditch - (when/if I might bail)

Scratch that Itch? - Does Hyperion Recommend?

Today I have the Monday Shows, which has become the hottest night on TV, and I will try to get the rest posted later this week. Hope you enjoy!

Being Human (Mondays @ 9 on SyFy; repeats during the week and On Demand)

the Pitch - A werewolf, a Vampire and a Ghost try to live in the same house and be normal...more or less.

the Which - A remake of a popular BBC show. A couple of the stars might seem vaguely familiar (from various small TV stints), but no one that you really recognize.

the Sitch - Vampire Aidan (Sam Witwer) and werewolf Josh (Sam Huntington) both work in a hospital and try to hide the “monster” within them. They decide to get a house together, which turns out to be haunted by Sally (Meaghan Rath), a ghost who has some issues to work out.

the Hitch - I don’t know if you heard: monsters are kind of “in” right now

the Glitch - Monsters have been “in” for awhile. How long can it last? Also the production values are low, which most genre fans are used to and understand, but might turn some people off.

the Niche - the Buffyverse, and anyone who joined Team Edward or Team Jacob

the Kitsch - Monsters trying to “pass” as human - the jokes pretty much write themselves

the Rich - They do not shy away from darkness. This might turn away some, but both Josh and Aidan have killed innocent people in their past, and just because they are trying to control it doesn’t mean they always do. I have a feeling that the Fantasy Community will be impressed that Being Human isn’t PG in its sensibilities. They also got rid of the sunlight=death thing (Vampires have evolved to just be photosensitive now), which I like.

the Bitch - a minor beef, but the ridiculous assertion that the show takes place in Boston when it so clearly feels like Canada. Why even name a city? Also, this is just personal, but the Josh character drives me friggin’ bananas. I don’t see how he’s a werewolf, ‘cause I gotta tell you, I’ve never seen a bigger pussy.

the Ditch - only if Aidan ever starts to sparkle

Scratch that Itch? - I’m in, dude. I’ve LOVED the three episodes I’ve seen and can’t wait for tonight.

The Cape (Mondays @ 9:00 on NBC)

the Pitch - A disgraced cop, believed dead, takes on the Corrupt Police Force as a Super Hero - with a Cape!

the Which - The only actor you really know is Summer Glau (River on Firefly).

the Sitch - Vince Farraday (David Lyons) comes from a long tine of cops (200 years in California if you can somehow believe that), framed for murder and now presumed dead after everyone - including his wife and son - saw him “sploded” in a fire. Determined to regain his boy’s trust (but for some reason unable to tell his wife and child he’s still alive), Farraday hooks up with a troupe of Circus Freak bank robbers, gets a near-magical cape, and now is taking on the new “privatized” police force that is more corrupt than the criminals they were brought in to stop. The mysterious Orwell (Summer Glau) helps him out and generally looks hot and pensive.

the Hitch - Summer Glau, Circus Midgets, and capes!

the Glitch - did we mention there’s a cape?

the Niche - Die-hard Fantasy fans and people who miss “The Shadow” on Radio

the Kitsch - Everything involving the Circus-folk.

the Rich - Can’t get enough Circus tricks. Occasionally the cape has a neat trick or two.

the Bitch - All the melodrama involving the family. The story-line is awful and the kid is awful too. Somewhere Jaden Pinkett-Smith is feeling the competition

the Ditch - I quit two and a half episodes in

Scratch that Itch? - If this is your thing I wish you the best.

Harry’s Law (Mondays @ 10:00 on NBC)

the Pitch - A tough-as-nails icon litigator opens a criminal practice in a “poor” neighborhood along with other castoff lawyers. Quirkiness ensues.

the Which - Created by David Kelley, the force behind The Practice, Boston Legal & Ally McBeal. Starring Kathy Bates

the Sitch - Kathy Bates is Harriet Korn, a legend, but who sometimes rubs people the wrong way. She has decided to start a legal practice in the Inner City, but can’t afford the rent so it’s also a women’s shoe store. Other young lawyers work with her as they help the oppressed.

the Hitch - Kathy Bates, every step of the way

the Glitch - We’ve seen these tricks from Kelley before. There’s potential for Ally McBates.

the Niche - People who like the zany legal dramedy of David Kelley; people who like the deadpan comic timing of Kathy Bates)

the Kitsch - Virtually everything, from the shoes to the clients to the endearingly wacky legal team.

the Rich - that Patina of West Wing-esque Liberal Fantasy Escapism. Think Michael Douglas’s defense of the ACLU at the end of THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT.

the Bitch - A little quirky goes a long way

the Ditch - I bailed after one episode, although this was partly because it co-stars Nate Corddry. It never stops bothering me that he (and brother Rob) have too many D’s in their last name.

Scratch that Itch? - You know what you’re getting. Bates is always great and if you like that sort of thing, you could do a lot worse.

Checking in with CBS

Last fall I reviewed Mike and Molly, while Skittles reviewed Hawaii Five-O. I don’t watch the shows but figured I’d give each of them another shot.

Hawaii Five-O is too much like every other CBS Crime-Procedural for me to matter. I’m not saying I’d set my sack on fire if I had to watch an episode, but there’s too much good on to be bothered with such pedestrian fare for my tastes.

Mike and Molly is a different story. I initially panned the show, while acknowledging that it simply wasn’t made for me. It still isn’t my kind of show (either the format, tone, or even the way it’s shot), but I do readily admit that the cast has gelled (this often happens with a sitcom, since so much of humor is timing), and the writing, while still too bawdy for the Family Show they want, can be funny. If you don’t have my high standards (or perhaps “snobbish” is a better word), you’ll probably love it.

and this brings us to the last show of the night.....

Skins (Mondays @ 10 on MTV, repeated viewings during the week)

the Pitch - A no-holds barred look at the lives of teens

the Which - All unknowns, though the show is based on the immensely popular British show of the same name (more on that in a minute)

the Sitch - Chances are you’ve heard of Skins, if only because of the controversy. Advertisers have pulled out, there have been calls (by the execrable Parents Television Council) for Child Pornography investigations, and Fox News has beat the drum. Moreover, MTV certainly does not shy away from a fight, and seem to be courting the swirl. Anyway, the show - about the lives of 7 teenagers - is heavy on sex, drug use and other ill-advised behaviors (cutting! lesbianism! anorexia!), but definitely not in the "very special episode" way we're used to seeing on Teen shows. This is NOT your grandfather's sock hop.

the Hitch - Did I mention the sex and drugs and lesbian teens?

the Glitch - I’ll reserve my comments until the “bitch” section

the Niche - Most people under 30. ANYONE under 20.

the Kitsch - The acting so far has been pretty strong for these newbies. The story-lines are generally serious but do carry their own offbeat humor.

the Rich - When they hit the note correctly, they nail what it feels like. Also, parents who think this stuff is over the top are waaaaaay deluded about what’s happening out there.

the Bitch - Okay, I can’t believe I made it this far without mentioning it, but did you know that I wrote a breathless 3,000 word review about Season 1 of the British series? It’s the best Television review I’ve ever written, and if you have any feeling at all for me you will GO READ IT NOW!!!! Are you back? Okay, the biggest problem between the two series is that the American one is an imitation, and we all know that it’s really hard (nigh on impossible) to duplicate genius. I don’t hate on the effort - Skins was too good not to try, but the first few episodes have kept the story lines almost identical, so I can’t help but make comparisons, of which the American one suffers.

Also, if you read my review of the British Skins, you’ll see that I was/am over the moon about the Tony character. It’s impossible to capture that same charisma, although the American Tony tries. A couple of other characters are more successful translations, but there are (so far) a few misfires that make it tough.

Perhaps the biggest problem, though, is that the American version sometimes loses the point of view that makes the British show so revolutionary. When I watched the British show I felt like I was not only watching actual teenagers, but I was inside their heads. Often that meant ridiculous points of view, but, let’s be honest, teenagers are quite often total idiots. This contrasts with American shows that try to “get” teenagers, but feel like adults pretending to get them; either cliche or parody. However, I will say that it seems like the American version is getting better. Through 3 episodes I have noticed more of the that point-of-view thing coming through, which is good.

Also, the British show has actual nudity. Sigh.

the Ditch - Even a simulacrum of British Skins is better than most stuff.

Scratch that Itch? - I guess what I’m saying is, after you read my review, if you're interested, I would advise getting the original Skins from Netflix or Blockbuster or just buying it and watching it. But if you’re not up for that, I actually am liking this American version, and you probably will too, especially if you don’t have anything to compare it to.

Finally, let me just say: I’m a big believer in protecting kids from content, but this one time I’d make an exception. The controversy about this show isn’t how racy it is (and it is VERY racy), but rather, it’s about how freaked out some people are that this might be happening. I said the same thing about KIDS in the ‘90s: if you don’t this stuff is going on, you’re dreaming. I think parents should not only let their 16 year-olds watch it, I think parents should watch it. Yes, they will be absolutely appalled. Yes, the bad behavior is concentrated for dramatic effect. But it’s real, baby. More importantly, the way kids think about parents - that’s real. You need to know this stuff mom and dad, or else just give up.

Tonight there’s a new show I’m going to try to catch (Chicago Code: 9:00 on FOX), and in the coming days I hope to have reviews for Archer, Lights Out, Hot In Cleveland, Retired At 35, Perfect Couples, Traffic Lights, Mr. Sunshine.

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#637 Groundhog Day Anagrams

2011-02-02T14:40:00.002-05:00

The Top Ten Anagrams of “GROUNDHOG DAY”

#10 Dryad Hug Goon - like a hockey goon, with leaves and boobs

#09 Our Doggy Hand - (I should get an award for the jokes I’m not making about this one)

#08 Hungry Dad Goo - “sadly, the look never caught on as the new cornucopia....”

#07 Dong Hoard Guy - as far as I’m concerned, this guy can suck a bag of dicks.

#06 Gory Gonad Duh - “after many false starts, soccer finally caught on in the U.S......”

#05 Orgy Hound Gad - just when you thought I’d go super-perverted I switch gears for the “Awwwwwww”

#04 Gaudy HornDog - okay, technically I'm one letter off, but you have to admit, it’s gaudy.

#03 Doughy Dragon - I’d have gone for this naked NOT SAFE FOR WORK version (alternative doughy dragon), but I figured I’m in enough trouble already without drawing the wrath of the furry police.

#02 Randy Good Hug - Oh, Big Ben......

and the number one Anagram for GROUNDHOG DAY is......

#01 Young Hard God - gives “live from the Apollo” a whole new meaning.....

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