The Hyperion Chronicles

#78 – Thanksgiving Movie Preview

With the holidays upon people, the emphasis is on finding accommodations for every blessed relative imaginable, and making the mountain of food required. Forgotten in all of this is the question “What do we do with these people?” Ever one to come to the aid of my readers, I have taken the time to briefly review several movies now in theaters, and pick a few films to rent that you can please almost any demographic with. Armed with this knowledge, you’re sure to make this holiday a rousing success, assuming Uncle Ed doesn’t find the keys to the liquor cabinet. Enjoy.

Theater bound

Okay. Pay attention. James Bond goes to North Korea with some diamonds from Africa, and then gets put in prison for a crime he didn’t commit, and when he gets out 14 months later, everyone hates him. Naturally James goes to Cuba, where rich people are switching their DNA, and eventually to Iceland and…oh, whom am I kidding? Like the plot matters at all. Here’s the deal: if you like 007 films, you will love this one. If you don’t like James Bond films, you still might like it, but it would be a tougher sell. What this movie basically does is give a shout-out to all twenty Bond films that have come before. I caught 15 of the references, and I’m not that well-schooled in Bond. Fans out there should revel in trying to pick out the homage to movies’ past. The stunts are also far more outrageous; I’m not even going to attempt to explain them. In addition, there is female pulchritude aplenty, and plenty of good-looking studs for the women and non-traditional men out there. Bottom line: for a no-brainer action film, this is fine holiday fun.

If you didn’t see the first one, what are the chances you’re going to see this one? If you did see the first Santa Clause, what are the chances you can read?

For those of you looking for something a little different, 8 Mile certainly fits the bill. Based (loosely, very loosely) on the events in the life of Eminem, this movie plays like a hip-hop combination of Rocky meets Stanley Kowalski. The acting, including Eminem, is fine, and the directing is fabulous, but for me, the script could have used a lot of work. The rap scenes tingled, but I found myself wondering a bit about the back-story and wishing the film didn’t come across more like a documentary than a fantasy. Ultimately, your perception of 8 Mile might have more to do with how familiar you are with Eminem. If you know a little about him, and can stomach the rougher elements, you might like this quite a bit. If you’re a major fan, you might be disappointed that there isn’t more there to chew on, and that the movie isn’t hard-edged enough. Bottom line: If you’re not offended by rap music in general this might be worth a look. At the very least it will give you something to talk about.

I haven’t seen this, but much like my famed predictions of the fall of Communism and the end of the 20th Century, I will go out on a limb sight-unseen and tell you that this movie rocks, and all ages will think so. You have my guarantee, and I’ll take to you dinner if I’m wrong.

For those who haven’t read the books or at least seen the first movie, go do that. For those who think Harry is evil, I’m writing a column about that next week, so please, no hate mail until then. For the other 99.44% of you, I’m happy to report that the second installment is much much much better than the first, and that wasn’t a bad flick itself. What’s different here is magic. The creatures are more playful, the dialogue funnier, and the action scarier, so much so that you would be well advised not to take the tiny ones along. Basically this movie is a lot more fun, and you can make it even more so. For one thing, try to catch all the movie references deliberately put in here. I’ll give you a hint to get you started: think ET, think Jurassic Park, think Indiana Jones, think Star Wars. Also, this movie gives you the last chance to see the extraordinary actor Richard Harris on screen (who plays Dumbledore). My advice: every time you see him thump your chest and throw a peace sign out, telling Harris to R.I.P. This will, I promise, make the movie-going experience better. And, while you’re at it, stay through the credits; there’s a tagline at the end. Bottom line: if you’re a fan, you’ll be in hog(warts) heaven.

Rentals

You might be stuck at home this weekend but need a movie to rent. Here are five choices that you can feel safe letting almost any age watch.

New Releases

Spider ManI’m not going to say this is the greatest film ever, but it is well-crafted entertainment that’s not too scary and almost any age can watch. The action is fast-paced, the story not too hard to follow, and the kids will love it, although they may insist on climbing the walls afterwards. If it’s an option, get the wide-screen version.

I will admit that I liked this movie more the more times I saw it, but that’s about the only criticism I’ll level. I loved this movie. I loved the character development, I loved the action, I loved the darker tone, and I love Digital Yoda (look for some Electronica Band to steal that name soon). To me, this was far more gripping than the first new installment, and set the tone for a wild finish in a couple of years. If you saw this in the theater, rent it again, you’ll like it better. If you haven’t seen it, now’s a great time to catch up. And I repeat: Digital Yoda rocks like no one since New Testament Jesus.

Older Can’t-miss hits

This one is more for teens and older, but if they haven’t seen it, you’re sure to be an instant hero. Filmed in elaborate flashback, you’re never sure who is who and what is what right up until the end. The dialogue is witty, the acting sure and slick, and the plot will leave you reeling. You won’t be sorry on this one.

This movie is Shakespeare set to modern day high school. A reworking of Taming of the Shrew, 10 Things is shrewd, clever, earnest, and funny all at the same time. I admit when I first saw the previews this movie looked lamer than FDR: the Polio Years, but I have to admit that once my sister forced me to watch I was hooked. Parents, you can be happy that it’s Shakespeare, and even though this is geared more for teenage girls, all ages and all sexes, even grandma, will enjoy this.

Bar none, the best film you’ve never heard of, and almost certainly never seen. Best yet, I don’t care if your home is invaded by a bunch of Amish, this one will please everybody. Based on an Irish myth, the film takes place on an island off the coast of Ireland, where the people still speak the Old Tongue, and remember the old ways. It’s pointless to try to explain the plot, as any really great movie is. Suffice it to say the acting is great, and the plot clean and family oriented while never being dull. This is a film you might think you’ll hate, but you won’t be able to. I fully expect large checks sent to me based on how right I am.

Well, there are some films to go see and some movies to bring home. Somewhere among them you ought to be able to find something to keep the descending hordes occupied. Be sure to check out my Thanksgiving column, and have a great week.

Hyperion
November 26, 2002