#96 2/14: The Un-Holiday

My friend Elby wrote me today lamenting about Valentine’s Day. She said she’d overheard someone say that Valentine’s Day wasn’t a holiday, because, “It's only for some people, and that ain't no holiday." This is a nice thought, but it doesn’t pan out. After all, Jews don’t celebrate Christmas, American Indians aren’t keen on Thanksgiving, Litterers abhor Arbor day (I love puns!), Skinheads hate MLK day (this one’s a stretch, but I’m on a roll), Whigs and Tories aren’t down with George Washington Day, Bad-Spelling Homophobes don’t care for Flag Day, Druids and Vegans aren’t high on Easter, King George (should he come back from the dead) probably won’t be lighting any sparklers on July 4th, Abortionists don’t care for Labor Day (okay, that was a horrible joke: let’s pretend I didn’t say it), Indians (again, the greedy bastards) aren’t doing flips for Columbus Day, Draft Dodgers aren’t proud on Veteran's day, and all PGA golfers fear the Year of the Tiger.

Another thought she had paraphrased Jack Nicholson, who said about the Oscars, “They are like PR: good for whom they are good for, and bad for nobody.” Elby theorized that maybe Valentine’s Day was like that. Well, I told her—and I’m here to tell you—that’s not the way it works. Valentine’s Day is the most insidious of Holidays.

Forget for a moment the tremendous build-up. Forget the expectations of gifts and romantic escapades, turning the day into the unholy love child of Christmas and your High School Prom. Forget all the money and time you’re supposed to spend, and all the hoops you’re supposed to jump through. Because the truth is, if you have the opportunity, you’ll probably gladly do so.

No, the reason Valentine’s Day is so horrible isn’t the good times. It is good for whom it’s good for. But it SUCKS for everyone else. Not everyone is in a relationship at the moment, and they weren’t looking to be reminded. Maybe you’re even comfortable with who and where you are. But then this day comes looming like a tornado nearing a trailer park, and you just know it’s going to hit. Suddenly there are commercials and advertisements and TV shows and movies and songs, all telling you that you’re supposed to be in love and have someone to shower with love and affection and have them do the same to you, and if you don’t, you’re garbage. You’re nobody. Who can stand up to that? Who wants to put up with that?

So I don’t begrudge Valentine’s Day to anyone. I’m glad it’s good for whom it’s good for. I like the little hearts with the words on them, so I’m glad they have the holiday so I get to eat those once a year. But let’s not kid ourselves. This day can be brutal on those out of the loop, the “Involuntarily Abstinent.” Let’s show a little compassion out there, be mindful of others, hmm? And will somebody please send me some flowers?

Unfailingly Yours,

Hyperion
February 14 (grrr), 2003

Credits
Brainstorming help from Troll
Inspiration from Elby
Editing and courage from Pebbles