the HYPERION CHRONICLES

“Master of my Domain”

#111 The Masters

You may not care a whit about golf, or the controversy surrounding the golf world this week, but this issue touches important things, so don’t be a hater and read.

The National Council of Women’s Organizations, headed by Martha Burk, is protesting the Masters (the most famous golf tournament in the world) this week because The Augusta National Golf Club (where it is held), headed by Hootie Johnson, doesn’t allow women to become members (they can play if invited by a member, as can you). It’s hard to root for anyone here, because both sides are morons. On one hand, Augusta is a private club, and in America, that means you can invite whomever you chose. There are many organizations that don’t allow one sex or another (the Girl Scouts, for example). On the other hand, golf has a sad history of exclusion, whether it’s Catholics and Jews, Blacks and Asians, or Women. Augusta is no different. It’s hard to get behind a Club that tried so hard to keep black people out for so long unless they were caddying. However,

people—especially Southerners—hate to be told what to do by outsiders, and Hootie Johnson and the other Augusta members don’t want to budge, even if the controversy is tarnishing their beloved Club and tournament.

On the other side there is Martha Burk, and it’s hard to find a more opportunistic person. It becomes difficult to get behind her position of righting wrongs for women when she picks such a ludicrous target. For one, it’s a privately owned club, and the members can do what they want. If she’s upset that the most famous golf tournament in the world is held there, she should be attacking the Professional Golf Association (PGA) for participating in a tournament there. Of course, she could never get any traction that way, since the PGA is basically for men. Actually, it’s for the best golfers period, and women can play if they qualify (and this year two will do just that). Also, the PGA counterpart is the LPGA, which specifically excludes men. The entire tour was set up because the best male golfers in the world are better than the best female golfers, and this way the women could compete and have a chance to win. So, you see why Martha Burk would rather pick on grouchy Southerners than a group that has specific sex discrimination against men!

Secondly, this is a place where Bill Gates couldn’t gain a membership. Bill Gates, people! (I told you, Southerners don’t like outsiders, or new money, or anything new, for that matter) We’re not just talking about women not being able to join, but most men. The lives of average women are not going to be affected by this. If Martha Burk really wanted to help women, there are plenty of other areas she could talk about. By choosing this high-profile event, she is attempting to put a feather in her cap, and that diminishes the legitimate areas in society where women still face an uphill battle.

And while I’m on the subject, let me add one more thing: nobody is arguing that there aren’t many hardships women face today. Some of them are the result of systematic discrimination and some of them come from the natural result of how history and evolution have gone, although that is not to say they shouldn’t be improved. But for Martha Burk to compare her quest to have women admitted to Augusta to the push for black membership is weak. For her to say that women have faced the same discrimination that blacks have in America is not only ignorant but also offensive. We still have segregated public bathrooms by gender, and few have a problem with this, but America almost tore itself apart to first end slavery and then to get racially segregated bathrooms and other things abolished. White women like Martha Burk were not brought to America in chains for centuries, and if they weren’t always equal partners in government and society, they had it a hell of lot better than slaves. Maybe Augusta should let women in, but there are places where we do separate men and women appropriately (locker rooms, anyone?), and for Burk and her organization (the National Council of Women’s Organizations, by the way, not the National Council of People’s Organizations) to equate the two struggles is abominable.

All right: I’ve done my duty covering an important topic, and I’m through ranting (for today). Now I can get back to the vastly more important task of writing my epic column on the war between the Ninja and the Magic Pygmy Rabbits for Dominion over everything totally sweet.

And until then, remember “Fore!” means duck. Happy trails, and may all your holes be under par.

Hyperion

April 09, 2003

Credits:

Thanks to Laureate and Aviendha for feedback