the Hyperion Chronicles
"All women at Blockbuster are hot"
#134 Movies IV: Let the Holy Wars Begin
Hey-Ho, Friends and guild members; we're back for the fourth column in our
series about movies. Sorry it's been so long since the last one. If you never
got them give me a holler and I'll send them to you again. A quick recap of
what we've talked about so far:
#121 (Movies I) We looked the best way to review movies, and why most movie
reviewers are going to hell.
#126 (Movies II) We looked at what to look for in a good movie and a little bit
on how movies are made.
#127 (Movies III) We looked at movie previews, and what makes a good one.
Also, throughout all three columns I have asked you, my Dear Readers, questions
about movies. I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to answer.
For those of you who haven't, you still have time, but you better hurry.
Starting next Friday, we will begin looking into some of the answers people have
been giving to the questions, as well as the "right" answers. For
those of you who lost the questions, I have reprinted them below, after the
column.
To be (home) or not to be (home)?
Today I want to talk about several things, including the whole theatre-going
experience. I know many of you would prefer to just watch movies at home, and I
respect that. The VCR (and now DVD player) has been one of the greatest boons
ever for movies, by allowing us to see old films we would otherwise never get a
chance to.
If you are going to rent, do you have a DVD player? If you watch just a few
movies a month, a VCR is great, but if you're a big movie person like I am, I
heartily recommend getting a DVD player. If you don't have to have all the
bells and whistles, you can get a quality one now for well under a hundred
dollars. What a DVD player allows you to do first and foremost is see and hear
the picture more crisply and cleanly than a video ever could. Also, on a DVD
you can go instantly to any part of the movie, if you have a favorite scene or
missed something. And, most DVDs now come with lots of wonderful extras. These
range from different camera angles to watch the film, different languages (trust
me, there is nothing funnier than E.T. in French), behind the scenes looks,
information about the cast, documentaries, and everyone's favorite: deleted
scenes. Sometimes there is also a commentary track, so you can hear the
director or the stars talk about what they were thinking during each scene of
the movie. For a favorite flick, this is definitely a cool feature.
If you are going to get DVDs, you have a couple of choices. Sometimes there is
a regular version, and maybe a "collector's" version, or some such.
Most of the time, those things are just extra nothing, and not worth paying for.
You can look them up online if you want to see what you'd be getting. The only
time it might be a good idea is if there is a "director's cut."
Often, the studio or the producers re-cut the movie for time or because previews
went badly. The director's cut gives you the film as it was originally intended
to be seen. As you recall from #126, the director is the person most
responsible for the movie, so if you like a film, this might be a good
investment.
Let the Holy Wars begin...
The only other real choice you may have is wide screen or full-screen, what used
to be called pan-and-scan. Let me take a moment here to make a heartfelt plea
that you only watch wide screen, when available. Now, I know many of you have
problems with wide screen. I used to be one of you. I didn't like the black
lines at the top and bottom of my screen, or the slightly smaller picture.
Also, I understand from talking to several old people that T.V. shows and movies
used to be that way, and looking at the lines makes you think of outdated
entertainment.
Those are valid objections, but here's what you should know: When TV was coming
of age; the TVs were made square to be set apart from movie screens. This
worked fine until movies were shown on TV. In order for that to happen, the
film had to be cut and blown up, for the picture to fit. What this means is
that when you watch a movie on TV in full screen, not only are you seeing a
distorted image, but you're losing anywhere from 25-40% of the picture! If you
look at it that way, it's not hard to put up with wide screen. Today's wide
screen movies are not as obtrusive, and if you'll just give them a try I
guarantee in 10 minutes you won't notice them and after a couple of movies
you'll never want to go back.
Don't even ask what that sticky stuff on the floor is...
So that covers the home-theatre experience. But, even with wide screen and the
new wicked sound systems out there, the fact remains that movies were designed
for the theatre experience. Sometimes this isn't that important. But some
movies beg-nay, almost Demand-to be seen in the theatre. That way you can get
the sound, the look, and the very feel of the movie. Trust me, roundhouse kicks
are crisper, car chases are swifter, and kisses are steamier up there in 40 foot
high visuals accompanied by digital sound. And who doesn't want that?
The question then becomes, when do you go? For many, it has to be opening
night. Forget the actual desire to see the movie as soon as possible. There is
a different feel on opening night, when the crowds are big, people are excited,
and adrenaline is flowing. Others, however, hate crowds with a passion usually
reserved for centipedes, and detest going to the theatre when they are going to
be herded like cattle.
Me, I swing both ways. (Very funny, you perverts. Pay attention!) It's
undeniable that there is electricity in the air for the opening of a big movie.
The crowd is more likely to cheer or boo, and I like the carnival experience.
On the other hand, I don't like feeling hot and claustrophobic, or being in an
auditorium with a bunch of people talking. Sometimes I'm happier in an almost
empty theatre, so I can enjoy the movie without interruptions. You have to find
out what's best for you.
One thing that's essential, though, and this goes whether you seeing a movie at
home, in a theatre, or for that matter any fun thing you do: you must be in a
good mood when you do it. You think I'm kidding? I can't tell you how many
movies I've seen I had a bad impression of mostly because I went into it upset
or irritated or just in a general bad mood. I mean, if you're not going to try
to enjoy the movie, what's the point? So, cheer up, and never go into anything
that doesn't include matrimony without a pleasant attitude.
Arg! I just realized I have at least 6 more topics to get to, and this column
is beginning to run long. I guess that means there will be a 5th movie column
before we dive into your responses. But I still need all of your answers by
next Thursday, the 17th, if you want them considered. The questions are below.
Also, if you really like movies but are not a Hyperion X subscriber, write and
ask me for the next issue, because we're going to look at movies with twists in
the tale.
That's all for now. Look over those questions and get me your replies, and no
matter where you are, keep watching the screen!
Hyperion
July 10, 2003
Movie Questions
Who are the three best movie characters (not adapted from a book or play, but originally for the screen)?
What are the best 3 movies from each decade? Or 5 or 10 if you just can't narrow it down.
What are the 26 best movies starting with each letter of the alphabet? And no, for all you anal people out there, "a" and "the" do not count for their respective letters. Also, anyone who puts Yentl for "Y" will be ruthlessly mocked.
What is the best movies starting with a number?
What's the worst movie you've ever seen? If anyone puts Star Wars here, I'm hunting you down.
What is your favorite movie? This is different from what you think is the "best" movie. If you write and tell me your favorite movie is Benji The Hunted, fine: that's your opinion, and you're entitled to it. If you write and tell me Benji is the greatest movie ever made...that's fine too, but you better have a good explanation that somehow involves at least two Fundamental
Theorems of Thermodynamics.
What is the most overrated movie? We call this the Margaret Mitchell question.
What is the most underrated movie? Or, to put it another way; what movie did you most think you'd hate, and it turned out you absolutely love (and maybe even are ashamed to like so much)?
What are the all-time greatest scenes? You can rank this by humor, drama, romance, and just overall coolness.
Asking to narrow down the "best" actors and actresses (more on that point in another column) is too hard, but I want to know who are your favorite actors?
Finally, I want to know the first movie that changed you, or had a profound effect on you some way. Also, what movie has had the greatest impact on your life?
And anything else you can think of that I missed and I should know and possibly share with the rest of the readers.
Credits
Thanks to Laureate
Thanks to Bear
Thanks to Dogbert
@2003 the Hyperion Chronicles
"All women at Blockbuster are hot"
#134 Movies IV: Let the Holy Wars Begin
Hey-Ho, Friends and guild members; we're back for the fourth column in our
series about movies. Sorry it's been so long since the last one. If you never
got them give me a holler and I'll send them to you again. A quick recap of
what we've talked about so far:
#121 (Movies I) We looked the best way to review movies, and why most movie
reviewers are going to hell.
#126 (Movies II) We looked at what to look for in a good movie and a little bit
on how movies are made.
#127 (Movies III) We looked at movie previews, and what makes a good one.
Also, throughout all three columns I have asked you, my Dear Readers, questions
about movies. I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to answer.
For those of you who haven't, you still have time, but you better hurry.
Starting next Friday, we will begin looking into some of the answers people have
been giving to the questions, as well as the "right" answers. For
those of you who lost the questions, I have reprinted them below, after the
column.
To be (home) or not to be (home)?
Today I want to talk about several things, including the whole theatre-going
experience. I know many of you would prefer to just watch movies at home, and I
respect that. The VCR (and now DVD player) has been one of the greatest boons
ever for movies, by allowing us to see old films we would otherwise never get a
chance to.
If you are going to rent, do you have a DVD player? If you watch just a few
movies a month, a VCR is great, but if you're a big movie person like I am, I
heartily recommend getting a DVD player. If you don't have to have all the
bells and whistles, you can get a quality one now for well under a hundred
dollars. What a DVD player allows you to do first and foremost is see and hear
the picture more crisply and cleanly than a video ever could. Also, on a DVD
you can go instantly to any part of the movie, if you have a favorite scene or
missed something. And, most DVDs now come with lots of wonderful extras. These
range from different camera angles to watch the film, different languages (trust
me, there is nothing funnier than E.T. in French), behind the scenes looks,
information about the cast, documentaries, and everyone's favorite: deleted
scenes. Sometimes there is also a commentary track, so you can hear the
director or the stars talk about what they were thinking during each scene of
the movie. For a favorite flick, this is definitely a cool feature.
If you are going to get DVDs, you have a couple of choices. Sometimes there is
a regular version, and maybe a "collector's" version, or some such.
Most of the time, those things are just extra nothing, and not worth paying for.
You can look them up online if you want to see what you'd be getting. The only
time it might be a good idea is if there is a "director's cut."
Often, the studio or the producers re-cut the movie for time or because previews
went badly. The director's cut gives you the film as it was originally intended
to be seen. As you recall from #126, the director is the person most
responsible for the movie, so if you like a film, this might be a good
investment.
Let the Holy Wars begin...
The only other real choice you may have is wide screen or full-screen, what used
to be called pan-and-scan. Let me take a moment here to make a heartfelt plea
that you only watch wide screen, when available. Now, I know many of you have
problems with wide screen. I used to be one of you. I didn't like the black
lines at the top and bottom of my screen, or the slightly smaller picture.
Also, I understand from talking to several old people that T.V. shows and movies
used to be that way, and looking at the lines makes you think of outdated
entertainment.
Those are valid objections, but here's what you should know: When TV was coming
of age; the TVs were made square to be set apart from movie screens. This
worked fine until movies were shown on TV. In order for that to happen, the
film had to be cut and blown up, for the picture to fit. What this means is
that when you watch a movie on TV in full screen, not only are you seeing a
distorted image, but you're losing anywhere from 25-40% of the picture! If you
look at it that way, it's not hard to put up with wide screen. Today's wide
screen movies are not as obtrusive, and if you'll just give them a try I
guarantee in 10 minutes you won't notice them and after a couple of movies
you'll never want to go back.
Don't even ask what that sticky stuff on the floor is...
So that covers the home-theatre experience. But, even with wide screen and the
new wicked sound systems out there, the fact remains that movies were designed
for the theatre experience. Sometimes this isn't that important. But some
movies beg-nay, almost Demand-to be seen in the theatre. That way you can get
the sound, the look, and the very feel of the movie. Trust me, roundhouse kicks
are crisper, car chases are swifter, and kisses are steamier up there in 40 foot
high visuals accompanied by digital sound. And who doesn't want that?
The question then becomes, when do you go? For many, it has to be opening
night. Forget the actual desire to see the movie as soon as possible. There is
a different feel on opening night, when the crowds are big, people are excited,
and adrenaline is flowing. Others, however, hate crowds with a passion usually
reserved for centipedes, and detest going to the theatre when they are going to
be herded like cattle.
Me, I swing both ways. (Very funny, you perverts. Pay attention!) It's
undeniable that there is electricity in the air for the opening of a big movie.
The crowd is more likely to cheer or boo, and I like the carnival experience.
On the other hand, I don't like feeling hot and claustrophobic, or being in an
auditorium with a bunch of people talking. Sometimes I'm happier in an almost
empty theatre, so I can enjoy the movie without interruptions. You have to find
out what's best for you.
One thing that's essential, though, and this goes whether you seeing a movie at
home, in a theatre, or for that matter any fun thing you do: you must be in a
good mood when you do it. You think I'm kidding? I can't tell you how many
movies I've seen I had a bad impression of mostly because I went into it upset
or irritated or just in a general bad mood. I mean, if you're not going to try
to enjoy the movie, what's the point? So, cheer up, and never go into anything
that doesn't include matrimony without a pleasant attitude.
Arg! I just realized I have at least 6 more topics to get to, and this column
is beginning to run long. I guess that means there will be a 5th movie column
before we dive into your responses. But I still need all of your answers by
next Thursday, the 17th, if you want them considered. The questions are below.
Also, if you really like movies but are not a Hyperion X subscriber, write and
ask me for the next issue, because we're going to look at movies with twists in
the tale.
That's all for now. Look over those questions and get me your replies, and no
matter where you are, keep watching the screen!
Hyperion
July 10, 2003
Movie Questions
Who are the three best movie characters (not adapted from a book or play, but originally for the screen)?
What are the best 3 movies from each decade? Or 5 or 10 if you just can't narrow it down.
What are the 26 best movies starting with each letter of the alphabet? And no, for all you anal people out there, "a" and "the" do not count for their respective letters. Also, anyone who puts Yentl for "Y" will be ruthlessly mocked.
What is the best movies starting with a number?
What's the worst movie you've ever seen? If anyone puts Star Wars here, I'm hunting you down.
What is your favorite movie? This is different from what you think is the "best" movie. If you write and tell me your favorite movie is Benji The Hunted, fine: that's your opinion, and you're entitled to it. If you write and tell me Benji is the greatest movie ever made...that's fine too, but you better have a good explanation that somehow involves at least two Fundamental
Theorems of Thermodynamics.
What is the most overrated movie? We call this the Margaret Mitchell question.
What is the most underrated movie? Or, to put it another way; what movie did you most think you'd hate, and it turned out you absolutely love (and maybe even are ashamed to like so much)?
What are the all-time greatest scenes? You can rank this by humor, drama, romance, and just overall coolness.
Asking to narrow down the "best" actors and actresses (more on that point in another column) is too hard, but I want to know who are your favorite actors?
Finally, I want to know the first movie that changed you, or had a profound effect on you some way. Also, what movie has had the greatest impact on your life?
And anything else you can think of that I missed and I should know and possibly share with the rest of the readers.
Credits
Thanks to Laureate
Thanks to Bear
Thanks to Dogbert
@2003 the Hyperion Chronicles
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