The Hyperion Chronicles

the Hyperion Chronicles
"Now available in the great state of Caw-Lee-For-Nee-Yah"




#163 Hyperion Says (4)




Today's Agenda
Rush Limbaugh
Ben and Jennifer
California Governor Election
Red Sox and Cubs


Donovan and Rush, sitting in a tree
ESPN hired conservative talk show host and author Rush Limbaugh to be on their Sunday morning NFL Countdown show, to talk about football with an edge. ESPN's hope was that the controversial Limbaugh would bring a ratings boost to the show, which it did, with viewership rising 10% (which is significant for an established cable show). However, the coup backfired last week, after Limbaugh made comments that Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback Donovan McNabb had been overrated by the Media, and it was the Eagles' defense that had carried the team the past two seasons. Limbaugh went on to state that this propping up of McNabb (who is African American) was done by a Media interested in promoting a black Quarterback. (Right now, before you read any more, go here and listen to the comments yourself.)

Reaction was swift as calls came for Limbaugh to step down, which he later did. The other anchors on the show with Limbaugh took shots all week; everyone from Al Sharpton to General Wesley Clark to McNabb himself-for not calling Limbaugh down immediately, and ESPN for hiring Limbaugh in the first place.

Hyperion Says: There are four separate issues here. One: what Limbaugh said about McNabb being overrated. Statistically, there is some truth there, as McNabb has never been one of the most accurate passers, and the Eagles' offense has never ranked that highly. But statistics don't measure courage, and like my friend Lion-O said to me, after McNabb threw four touchdowns in a game after breaking his ankle, "That man has the heart of a warrior." I agree. McNabb is someone you'd want to go into battle with. Rush picked the wrong example to make his point, which brings us to...

Two: what Limbaugh said about the Media and black quarterbacks. There is something to what Limbaugh is saying. Maybe not in the giant conspiracy sense, but there might be some reluctance to criticize a black quarterback, that comes from past guilt (more on that in a moment). However, even if you don't think that way and completely disagree with Limbaugh (which, I pretty much do), the charges of overt racism are ludicrous. (Again, go actually listen to how the exchange went here, instead of reading the comments in print, or worse, listening to other people tell you what they were.)

Three: whether Limbaugh should have brought it up. If Rush believes it, he can say it, but there is a reason why this may have been ill advised. If there is any guilt out there in the Media, it is because for years black football players were not allowed to play quarterback, under the theory they weren't smart enough, and were instead pushed to more "athletic" positions like Running Back and Wide Receiver. The NFL has done a complete 180, and now several of the marquee players are black quarterbacks. Bringing it up today just scratches at some old hurts for a lot of people.

Four: the rush to judgment (no pun intended). This last point deals not so much with Limbaugh but with the reaction he got. One of the things I hate is when people say things about topics (or people) they don't have any personal knowledge of (as arguably Rush did), but instead go only on what they've heard others say. (J.K. Rowling, anyone?)

I don't think highly of the political views of right-winger Pat Robertson or left-winger Michael Moore, but I actually had to hear and read the things they've said and written to know that. When someone makes a knee-jerk reaction to a Rush Limbaugh or an Al Franken (even if they might be correct), I've found that 9 times out of 10 they haven't taken the time to do their homework and find out for themselves.

If you know these types of people, then do them a favor and don't let them get away with it. When people say X person is an idiot, ask them for specifics, and where they got their information. They may even be right, but their lazy approach to making decisions isn't helping anyone. If you are one of these people (and I get enough mail from some of you, so I know you're out there), know that when you just parrot what someone else said about someone else, you sound ignorant. Do the research, and know what you're talking about.


Jennifer and Ben: the Saga continues
It looks like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's on again-off again-on again marriage is back on. The couple said they are still planning to get married, but now it will be a completely private ceremony.

Hyperion Says: When I last wrote about this, I related the heart-breaking news that Ben and Jennifer (also known as "Bennifer") had called off their wedding and apparently broken up. That was truly a dark day for the world, as many of us did a lot of soul-searching.

But now it appears there is a reason to go on living, as the couple is back together. I can now write with confidence that our long national nightmare is over. Clearly these two are destined to be together forever, and we have nothing but good times ahead.


...On such a winter's day
It looks like the historical and potentially precedent-setting California Recall Election for Governor is mostly over. The final results won't be certified for several weeks, but with both the actual Recall results and the choice to replace Gray Davis with Arnold Schwarzenegger clear majorities, it's possible that there won't be the types of lawsuits and uncertainty that plagued the 2000 presidential election.

Hyperion Says: The whole campaign was surreal. Over 130 candidates ended up staying on the ballot to the bitter end. They held a lottery to see what letters of the alphabet would come first on the ballot. A federal court (the most liberal in the country) delayed the election, and then had the decision overturned. There was a reality show that tried to get off the ground called "Who wants to be Governor of California" featuring candidates Gary Coleman (from Different Strokes) and a porno queen (who's main talent was to somehow avoid black eyes, if you know what I mean).

The Recall was initially set up because Californians were so angry with Gray Davis's performance, but once Arnold Schwarzenegger entered the race, it became all about him. All the candidates tried to knock him down, with everything form calling him stupid to detailing his former party life as a body-builder to allegations of sexual assault.

But nothing stuck, and there the Republican Schwarzenegger was last night doing his victory speech, with his wife Maria Shriver and her family behind him: and they are all Kennedys!

But even that wasn't the most surreal thing. Just before Arnold spoke, his main opponent to replace Davis (Democrat and Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamante) was giving his concession speech, and was cut off (by the networks, at least) so we could all hear Jay Leno (of The Tonight Show) introduce the Governor-elect.

I guffawed when I saw that, and said to my father, "Only in California." I then realized that's how all of this was able to happen: it's California.

So, what does the future hold? Ignore all pundits with firm answers, because nobody knows. Assuming there is a peaceful transfer of power, Arnold has at least six months before he can be recalled, something that may well happen given the anger, activism and access to funds of some California Democrats, and because the bar is set so ridiculously low to get a recall on the ballot in the first place.

If all that happens, Arnold may be able to ignore it, basically saying, "Do what you want, I have work to do." And he might get away with it, too. Or they may change the law so this doesn't happen again, at least not so easily. It's even conceivable (although I don't see how it could happen from my vantage point) that Arnold could try to get the American Constitution changed so he could one day run for president. Only one thing is for certain: now I have an excuse to trot out my award-winning, bladder-busting, could-make-Stephen-Wright-crack-a-smile set of Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes. I guess the real winner is all of you.


Curses, foiled again
The Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs are not only both in the playoffs, but each won their first-round series. The Red Sox haven't won the World Series since 1918, and the Cubs hadn't won the World Series-or even a playoff series-since 1908. There is talk about both teams making the World Series, which would end the curse for one of them.

Hyperion Says: As well as the Yankees are playing, it seems unlikely. And for all their whining about the Curse, I think Red Sox fans like coming close but never winning it all: it's their badge of Angst-Courage. (Cub fans are so used to being losers they're just happy to be there.)

However, on the chance that the Sox and Cubs do meet in the Series (and unless they both figure out how to lose it, which is possible), one of the two teams will win the World Series and thereby trigger the Apocalypse. So on that chance:

Our Father, who art in heaven...


Hyperion
October 08, 2003

Credits
Thanks to Lion-O
Thanks to Aviendha for editing and ideas

Motto Explanation
If you've heard Schwarzenegger talk, that's how he pronounces California