The Hyperion Chronicles

the Hyperion Chronicles
“Where’s a Gnostic Sect when you need one?”




#172 Soapbox Derby





Preface:
[I’ve longed preach the philosophy of Specifics. For some reason, any kind of narrative, whether an illustration, story, or song, is more relatable to people the more specific you are. But, in this case, that’s not possible, and for that I apologize in advance.]



Right now: stop whatever you’re doing. Put down the latte, turn off the TV or MP3 player; quit yelling at the kids. Stop everything you are doing and answer this question: what are the two most important values to you? What two things (and we’re talking values like responsibility here, not ‘the Cubs winning the World Series’) do you place above all others? Take a minute to think about it. Do you have your answer? Now, ask yourself this: have those two most cherished ideals of yours ever come into direct conflict?

While you’re mulling that over, think about me for a minute (after all, it’s my name, not yours or Narcissus’s in the title). If you have been reading for 10, 20, 50, or even 100 columns, you should have some sense of what I would say are my two most important values.

But, in case you’re at a loss, I will tell you: for me, it’s Integrity of Belief and Loyalty.

What do I mean by that? Well, Integrity of Belief means to stand up for what I believe in. However, to me, it’s more than that. It means to actually think things through before you mouth off. It meant to have reasons—ones you can logically defend—for what your principles are. It means to be honest and open-minded about those beliefs, and to be willing to admit you are wrong about any facet as soon as it’s logically pointed out. Mostly, it means to be ready to unapologetically state, write, or argue those beliefs without fear as to how that might make you look.

Then there is Loyalty. To me, this means defending, protecting, and supporting the people who are important to me. It means having their back. It means dropping everything to rush to their aid when they are in need. It means caring about what they think and not wanting to see them hurt; for any reason. And sometimes, it means being loyal to them even if they aren’t loyal to you.

So those are my two. If you’re at all up on foreshadowing, you’ll see where I’m going with this. In the last two weeks, I have had two—count ‘em 2! —situations come up where these two values, these two “Soapbox” issues for me, have been placed at loggerheads.

Without going into specifics, here is the scenario: most of the time, in this column I’m pretty good-natured. I try to bring a sense of humor (and sometimes, that oh so illusive sense of whimsy) to what I write. However, occasionally I’m not in the sly wink kind of mood. Sometimes I’m a bit cross. Every once in awhile, I’m seething mad.

On those occasions where I’m seeing more red than a K-Mart financial report, I like to write about it. I feel like I’m doing a bit of good—perhaps very little, but hey—if I can take pen to paper and attack whatever is in my crosshairs with my words, my wit, and my wisdom; such as it is.

Which brings me back to the last two weeks. Events happened, situations arose, where I felt quite strongly and compelled to write about it. However, in both cases my writing would have conflicted terribly with the sensibilities of someone close to me. In both cases the two parties specifically asked me to forgo these topics in lieu of the admittedly large cache of columns I have queued up.

And the dilemma begins.

On one hand, it’s not like my writing is saving the world. It’s going out to a few hundred readers and at best maybe a handful of people might change their minds. Who cares if I write about these issues instead of others? It’s not like anyone is ever going to even know, since I didn’t advertise.

On top of that, I have people—in both cases—who mean quite a bit to me. They have sincerely expressed their reservations about these topics. It’s one thing to write about column with the understanding that it will be controversial and could offend some people. But these are people who have been there for you, coming to you ahead of time and asking you to pass. Why would you write this with the certain knowledge that you’re going to drive a wedge between you two, hurt them, and fracture that relationship?

On the other side is my Integrity of Belief.

When I set out to do this column I told myself I would write what was on my heart, tell the truth as I saw it, come what may. And, though I’ve had weak moments, I haven’t shied away from controversial subjects. I’ve taken tremendous hits from that and lost readers over it. That’s always tough, but I felt I was doing the right thing.

Moreover, and I realize this may be quite grandiose, I see the column as a stepping-stone to bigger things. I think to myself: what if I have to decide something big, and someone advises against it. I listen to counsel, but ultimately I have to do what I think is right.

Okay, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but I want you to see how important this is to me. If I start making exceptions now, even when it’s relatively not that important and arguably doesn’t affect that many people, what kind of precedent am I setting? If I sell out now what else will I sell out for?

So, I’m a bit melodramatic, but this isn’t unheard of. There is a reason so many writers have little or no friends or family lives. Even fiction writers still take from their own lives, which can lead to alienation and heartbreak.

I don’t want to be one of those people, but I understand how that happens as I get more and more into writing; revealing my innermost thoughts, and my ideas for the future. I not only deepen the following and admiration of some, but the division and disgust of others. So, I guess what I’m saying is that it cuts both ways. I feel like I’m betraying myself no matter what I do.

It was suggested to me I take a reader poll. I’m not doing that. The few people I’ve talked to without specifics, have been unable to do more than feel about blindly, like a kid trying to unhook a bra in the dark for the first time (or so I’ve heard).

I did decide to write this, though, because—writing whore that I am—I had to get some material out of it. And, I was hoping that writing might bring some cathartic release and give me peace.

But now I’m out of words, and I still don’t have an answer. I guess that’s what you get when your two greatest values, what you care about the most, go head to head.


Hyperion
November 8, 2003

Credits
Thanks to Koz and Laureate for feedback

Motto Explanation
This was a line from a Hyperion X I wrote a few weeks ago. You’d have to read that column to get it. But, in general, the Gnostics were a group that believed in secret or special knowledge, which I could sorely use