The Hyperion Chronicles

the Hyperion Chronicles

#289 Globetrotter

My Friends, there is trouble brewing in this world of ours. I’m not talking about the stuff everyone knows about, that has dominated the headlines the last months and years. There are other hot spots and ominous signs coming up or already here.

SPAIN

Perhaps the most disturbing news in the last several weeks has been from Spain. Several explosions rocked the metro rail system in Madrid, killing some 200 people and injuring thousands others. Initially this didn’t get near the play on North American Television it should have. First off, Spain has 1/7^th the people America has, so that’s the equivalent of 1400 Americans dying. American and Canadian television that I watched quickly took the focus off of Spain to domestic rail stations, and their vulnerability. That certainly is important, but misses the bigger picture.

Perhaps more importantly, western sources did not quickly enough make the connection until it was over that Spain was holding an election, and the attacks seemed to have been aimed squarely at this election process. The ruling party—the ones who were in the coalition, had troops in Iraq, and who were by all accounts expected to win reelection easily—stunningly lost to their rivals. Prime Minister-elect José Luis Rogriguez Zapatero has already said he’ll pull troops out of Iraq as soon as the current six month rotation is up.

No matter what your belief is on the war in Iraq, this is not a good sign. I don’t see how you can spin it any other way than a resounding victory for terrorists. A country is fighting in the Middle East because the leaders say it’s right. There is a terrorist attack, and now they are leaving. Already there is unease in the Netherlands, another coalition partner, with many calling for the Dutch Prime Minister to pull their troops out as well. And just as I’m writing this Honduras announced they will pull out their troops. Europe, and maybe the whole world, never wants to remember the lessons of the past: you do not get rid of enemies by giving in to them.

RUSSIA

Another country held an election last week, but this got almost no attention either. Russian people reelected Vladimir Putin as President, giving him almost 70% of the vote. While Putin was expected to win easily, the White House was skeptical of the percentage, and even more dubious that 50% of registered voters voted, as required by Russian law for elections to be valid. Add this to the conflict in the nation of Georgia (where Russia supports one side and America the other), and many Russians are very unhappy with the U.S. right now.

What most westerners fail to grasp is the profound change Russia has undergone. (We could do ten columns just on this.) They cast off the longest running socialist system in the world for democracy and capitalism. Under Communist rule, life was terrible, but there was an order to the ugliness. Now, everything is up in the air, with no guarantees about anything. As a comparison, America did not start to get the full benefit of capitalism and democracy until the 1890s, over a hundred years after the country’s founding. To expect Russia to just “pick it up” is short-sighted, and many should remember it wasn’t too long ago these people were the number one threat.

SOUTH KOREA

Impeachment of a leader is never a good thing. Sometimes it might be necessary, but it’s never good when the actions of a leader are so flagrant that they call for his removal. However, South Korea took it one step further last week. As a backdrop: South Korea is just below a country that we fear may be getting nuclear weapons, and which is so poor that they would sell those weapons in a heartbeat. South Korea is the country we hope will one day reunite with the North and make the region more stable. So when I learned South Korea was impeaching its leader, I was worried. When I learned the reason, I was more worried. However, when I saw the tape of the footage in their version of Congress/Parliament, I didn’t know what to think.

Maybe you saw this: under South Korean law, for the president to be impeached a vote has to be announced at the front dais in Parliament. The opposition didn’t have any legal maneuvers left, so they resorted to physically trying to keep the vote from being called, by not allowing the guy to the podium. It was sort of C-Span meets Wrestlemania. It would have been hilarious if it wasn’t so serious. Okay, it was hilarious anyway, but troubling nonetheless.

AROUND THE GLOBE

In Zimbabwe a U.S. plane full of 67 suspected mercenaries is captured, with death threatened to all aboard. No one can figure out exactly what’s going on, except it was certainly going to add to the chaos in that troubled region. In Chad, the terrorism war takes a new front, as the United States admitted it’s been helping several African nations fight against al-Qaida setting up a new headquarters there. In Haiti they ousted a democratically elected leader, but nobody cares enough about Haiti to restore justice. And in India, it is now illegal to kiss and hug in public. (So much for Britney’s world tour.)

THE SOLUTION

People, I am just one man, and though I am a great man, I do not have all the answers to all the world’s problems right now. However, I do have something that would help all the people I’ve talked about. To help Spain over their loss and sadness, and harden their backbone and resolve; to help Russia realize they are doing the right thing, no matter how much of a struggle it is; to help South Korea realize they should invite the W.W.E. to Seoul, but in the meantime perhaps not do flying leg-kicks while passing laws; to make Zimbabwe realize they can take the mercenaries, put them on an island, invite Jeff Prost, and televise Survivor: Zimbabwe; to make Chad realize that even if people in America care more about who can marry whom and whether Mel Gibson eats at the Carnegie Deli, there is a battle worth fighting; and last (but not first), to make India realize there are things worth hugging and kissing—possibly even total strangers—for.

The one thing that can help any and all of these nations is March Madness.

I’m serious! At least, read me out.

For three weeks every March, otherwise grown men and women all over North America come together as one. All sorts of people—not just women and Canadians—who know absolutely nothing about basketball, who couldn’t tell Adolph Rupp from Adolf Hitler (actually…), who couldn’t pronounce Coach Krzyzewski’s¹ name if meant curing cancer, all of them unite with a single, hopeful thought: “How can I win my friggin’ office pool?”

For those of you coming from a monastery, or who think sports are only for the proletariat class, March Madness refers to the NCAA Division 1 Men’s basketball tournament held every year. 65 teams play over the course of three weekends, each looking to be the eventual winner. These teams are set up in a big bracket. (You can print and fill out your own bracket here.)

Some do this because they love sports. Most however, don’t care much for or follow college basketball, but fill out a bracket to have fun, or win that aforementioned office pool. The great thing is that while there is “conventional wisdom” about who is best, almost anyone can win, especially a first round game. Each of the four brackets seed their teams 1-16, and teams seeded 11 or higher are called “Cinderella” teams. It’s fun to pick them to upset the bigger guys.

And I’m serious about anyone being able to win. Every year the Atlanta Journal/Constitution runs a pool, and several years ago the only person to get all the Final Four teams was a girl who picked the teams based on where she went to college, where her boyfriend went to college, and I think where her bottled water was from.

It’s that crazy. Anyone can do well, and even if you don’t, the whole point is to have fun picking someone you’ve never heard of (like the Murray St. Racers or the Richmond Spiders) to knock someone off. You can’t tell me the world wouldn’t love to get behind the St. Petersburg Cosmonauts, the University of Pamplona bulls, the Seoul Tae Kwan Dos, or the Jofra St. Yellow Bears. This alone could bring world peace!

But you must do your part. Go to that site and fill out a bracket. Then send it to me. I’ll send you mine if you send me yours. Then send a bracket to everyone you can think of. It will be like the “Feed the Starving Children” campaigns, except we’ll “Bring the Troubled world Dick Vitale.”

It’ll be awesome, baby!

Hyperion
March 16, 2004

NOTES
¹. It’s pronounced Shuh-SHEFF-Skee.

Title Explanation
Obviously, since we were all over the world, Globetrotter speaks for itself. But there is a double meaning, since the Harlem Globetrotters are a famous basketball team

Motto explanation
Every year, after the final NCAA tournament game, they play this stupid song called One Shining Moment, and show a montage of all the great images from the tournament. It’s one of the few things (besides the movie Brian’s Song) that can make a grown man cry.

Credits
Thanks to Bear
Thanks to Tootsie