The Hyperion Chronicles

The Hyperion Chronicles
“So I says to the gecko, I says, ‘you’re a lizard, Larry.’”

#362 “…much worse than Harry”

The following conversation recently took place between two neighbors in a town near you.

Greg: Hey, Daniel; how you doing?

Daniel: Just getting read to go to the protest.

Greg: Oh; for that group of yours…

Daniel: Yeah: CONCENTRATE ON THE CHILDREN

Greg: Is this for the release of the new Harry Potter book?

Daniel: No way. That’s small potatoes. We found another book, and it’s much worse than Harry.

Greg: Really? What’s it about?

Daniel: I don’t know. I haven’t read it. But I got the newsletter from our group headquarters. Let me tell you just some of the stuff in this book.

Greg: You mean you haven’t…

Daniel: (interrupting) There is war, murder, rape, incest, drinking, idol worship…all in the first few chapters!

Greg: Maybe it’s meant for adults…

Daniel: No, they want kids to read it too. There are schools out there where their whole purpose is to read this book to children once a week.

Greg: Really?

Daniel: Oh, it gets a lot worse than that. The book is full of the occult. There are swarms of locusts, raining frogs and demons…at one point, the main character talks to Satan! This same character practices necromancy: he raises someone from the dead, and then raises himself! We can’t allow that to enter our homes.

Greg: Well, perhaps as a metaphor…

Daniel: Greg, you’re not listening. The book is obsessed with blood. They are always sacrificing things, including parents cutting up their children. How sick is that?

Greg: But if they point out that’s bad, the lessons…

Daniel: Forget the lessons, Greg. Most of the mutilation is not only encouraged, but required! Another time the main characters are in a war, and DON’T kill every woman and child, and they’re punished for it!

Greg: Wow. Who would write this?

Daniel: Quite a few people, and what a motley bunch of misfits they are. One early writer killed a man just to sleep with his wife. One of the main authors, before writing this, used to go around killing Christians! Do you understand, Greg? This book is a clear and present danger to us!

Greg: Well, you can’t always judge a book by who wrote it, or even what’s in it. You actually have to read the book and see what the message is. Many great books have been about subject matter that’s objectionable, pulled out of context.

Daniel: This book has foreskins, Greg, foreskins! There are hundreds of them, and the characters just go around cutting them off. You tell me what context makes that okay! Between that mutilation and obsession with blood, and cutting up kids…this book is a menace, and that’s why CONCENTRATE ON THE CHILDREN is doing everything in our power to stop it.

Greg: Well, good luck, Daniel. I feel better knowing you’re out there keeping us safe from such things.

Daniel: I appreciate that. If we’re successful, no one will ever have to see or read this book ever again, and that will make a better world for all of us.

Greg: Amen.

Hyperion
July 15, 2005

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